I've never been good with change. I think that's putting it lightly. As anyone who has met me can tell you, I'm a type A control freak with a major worrying streak. I don't like when I can't predict what will happen. I don't like not knowing or having the ability to fix something. So as you might imagine, I'm kind of struggling with all this.
I'm grateful now more than ever that I sought out professional help to deal with my generalized anxiety. Eight months ago I got on meds and found a therapist. But even with those tools, it's taken every trick I've learned over the past 20+ years of dealing with anxiety before I even knew to call it that to deal with the world and reality right now.
I'm trying to take whatever this is right now one day at a time. I'm not even sure where to start one of the count of days of this. I'm not in quarantine; I'm not entirely working from home; My state isn't sheltering in place. We went fully online for classes on March 23. We extended Spring Break on March 16. The last full day I worked on campus was March 19. The last class I taught face-to-face was March 6. That certainly made it tougher to handle for me. Unlike other places we didn't get a definite type answer of what was happening. It was a lot of extensions and possibilities and just when we thought we figured something out, something else changed. And those decisions didn't come with answers, just more questions.
I'm working from home 80% of the time, and staffing the locked down, open by appointment only building for 8 hours a week. I'm social distancing alone in my apartment. I'm enjoying having more time to cook from home. That time gives me a way to break up my work day. I've always been bad at work-life balance. I kind of feel like I was just sort of getting to a good place with that when this all happened. I'm trying to remind myself each day that it's ok not to be working every minute. I'm trying to use this time to embrace splitting up my day when I need to. And giving my mind a break when I need it.
I originally expected to be watching a lot of streaming stuff, but I find myself looking for reality tv and cooking shows. I don't want drama, which I realize sounds odd after saying I'm watching reality tv. But I'm talking Survivor and Top Chef, both of which have All-Star seasons meaning I'm watching people I already know. I want to eliminate as much unknown as I can I think. I'm also rewatching Hank and Katherine playthroughs on YouTube. I've seen these so many times I can quote them.
I'm finding lots of joy in watching cooking shows. Foodwise I'm making a lot of the same kinds of things I usually do. But I have done a lot more baking, as it seems the rest of the world is. I've baked focaccia, biscuits (twice), pizza with dough from scratch, and now pumpernickel bread. It's a return to those few years where I baked all my own bread. Not sure what's next for me in that area, but I'm just going to try to find comfort in whatever routine I can find. Blogging used to be that for me. I'm going to try it again for while. See if it helps me process this all. Until next time.
I'm grateful now more than ever that I sought out professional help to deal with my generalized anxiety. Eight months ago I got on meds and found a therapist. But even with those tools, it's taken every trick I've learned over the past 20+ years of dealing with anxiety before I even knew to call it that to deal with the world and reality right now.
I'm trying to take whatever this is right now one day at a time. I'm not even sure where to start one of the count of days of this. I'm not in quarantine; I'm not entirely working from home; My state isn't sheltering in place. We went fully online for classes on March 23. We extended Spring Break on March 16. The last full day I worked on campus was March 19. The last class I taught face-to-face was March 6. That certainly made it tougher to handle for me. Unlike other places we didn't get a definite type answer of what was happening. It was a lot of extensions and possibilities and just when we thought we figured something out, something else changed. And those decisions didn't come with answers, just more questions.
I'm working from home 80% of the time, and staffing the locked down, open by appointment only building for 8 hours a week. I'm social distancing alone in my apartment. I'm enjoying having more time to cook from home. That time gives me a way to break up my work day. I've always been bad at work-life balance. I kind of feel like I was just sort of getting to a good place with that when this all happened. I'm trying to remind myself each day that it's ok not to be working every minute. I'm trying to use this time to embrace splitting up my day when I need to. And giving my mind a break when I need it.
I originally expected to be watching a lot of streaming stuff, but I find myself looking for reality tv and cooking shows. I don't want drama, which I realize sounds odd after saying I'm watching reality tv. But I'm talking Survivor and Top Chef, both of which have All-Star seasons meaning I'm watching people I already know. I want to eliminate as much unknown as I can I think. I'm also rewatching Hank and Katherine playthroughs on YouTube. I've seen these so many times I can quote them.
I'm finding lots of joy in watching cooking shows. Foodwise I'm making a lot of the same kinds of things I usually do. But I have done a lot more baking, as it seems the rest of the world is. I've baked focaccia, biscuits (twice), pizza with dough from scratch, and now pumpernickel bread. It's a return to those few years where I baked all my own bread. Not sure what's next for me in that area, but I'm just going to try to find comfort in whatever routine I can find. Blogging used to be that for me. I'm going to try it again for while. See if it helps me process this all. Until next time.
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