I'm not entirely sure where this new story is going to end up, but Nicola asked to see a preview. And I'm all about pleasing my readers. (All like 6 of you!) So without further adieu.
untitled summer project #1:
She felt small. That's what her mom used to call it when she was younger. She'd meant it when you felt hurt or needed comfort or protection, but in Beth's mind it'd become blurred into meaning her quiet times too. Beth was rarely quiet when she was little. She was the chatter box filling the room with a constant stream of stories, jokes and random facts. So at a very early age, Beth's family had learned to equate her quietness with trouble, hurt, sickness, or an impending meltdown. Though sometimes she just needed to be quiet and nothing was wrong, they were generally right. The problem was as Beth grew older that habit of being the talker, deemed so cute and precocious at age five, was not so appealing as an adult. And it was the result of her incessant talking that left her feeling quiet, broken, and small that night.
She knew she should have just given him space that afternoon, but she didn't know how to just leave him alone. He was hurting. She needed to fix it. And she only knew one way how.
Beth pulled her mom's afghan up around her chin, as the scene with Cole played out in her head for the fourth time that evening. This replay came with a commentary track. The voiceover part, as always, was being played by Kristen Bell. "At least I've got good taste in casting my life story, " Beth murmured as Ms. Bell began her Gossip Girl-esque monologue.
"Poor B, you really should have hit the emergency eject button on that kamikaze mission. Too bad you didn't see that cliff behind the clouds. Maybe next time you'll get IceMan as a copilot, instead of just the icy shoulder. xoxo Gossip Girl."
"But that's where you're wrong. I did see the cliff, I did hit the button, but my mouth didn't listen to my brain. And besides, a kamikaze mission is one where you intend to perish in the completion of the mission," talking aloud to herself. At least if her subconscious Kristen Bell was going to mock her, she ought to do it accurately, Beth thought.
Beth had known confronting Cole so soon after getting the cold shoulder from him was a bad idea. But the urge to fix things just wouldn't go away. And once an idea or thought or story got lodged in her head, there was only one way to get it out.
She'd become aware her talking was a problem earlier than most might think. And if you'd really been paying attention, you would have noticed a change. Contrary to popular belief, Beth was a shy person. New people didn't so much scare her as they just weren't someone she could trust. So she compensated, she told seemingly personal stories and tried to be super friendly. It's not like she didn't like people. She loved people, but she'd always felt a disconnect with the word "friend." It felt deceptive to call those people friends. They thought they knew her, but they only really knew the small segment of Beth that she let out. She'd tried explaining it to Cole once early in their relationship. "Beth, I hate to break it to you, hon, but we're all like that. Nobody is that open with their friends. Hell there's all sorts of stuff about me you don't know," Cole had said with that wicked smile of his.
She'd wanted to push it further, but he looked so goofy trying to pull the conversation away from the serious subject matter that she just giggled and responded, "Oh, like embarrassing stuff? Like do you sing along to High School Musical? Or like Twilight? Oh my God, you're Team Edward aren't you?? We so cannot be friends anymore." And she was rewarded with his smile and the patented Cole 'mock horror' look, but she couldn't help but file the conversation away thinking, maybe later he'd get it.
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